As the waters sucked me under the world turned black and I was thrown about like a rag doll. This was the end then. My last breath was taken. Even though I never feared death I held onto life with all my strength. I would keep this last breath and survive just a few moments longer. Just a few more minutes of existance. People have been trying to solve the mysteries of time forever. Trying to place a mathematical equation on it. Box it in as if it were another dimension to tame and label. I know different. Time ebbed and flowed like the ocean I was trapped in. It can move along in a regular rhythmic fashion. Giving the appearance of something that can be conquered. Something that can be ridden like a beast of burden. However just as you become comfortable and begin to sway with its rhythm It can change drastically. Events that are beyond your control will thrash it into a frenzy that will make hours fly by in a second. You look down and then back up and in that one heart beat you wonder “How did I get here?” After the panic subsides and you come to the realization that this may very well be your last breath ever time comes to a screeching halt. Why does this happen? Is this the moment you are being judged. Does God stop time for this moment so you will reflect on all you have done in life and allow you to be your own judge. I think back to all the people I have touched. To all the moments I caused pain or happiness for others. How will I be remembered? A tingle begins to spread through my body. As my lungs begin to lose its supply of oxygen my body compensates by shutting off the valves to the unnecessary parts of my body. Only supplying the most critical parts with the last few particles of oxygen. My eyes roll back  in my head as I begin to lose consciousness. I am now in that state just before you fall asleep. That moment where you know sleep is on the way but you still are aware of your surroundings. My surroundings. Where am I? I am in the ocean. I can tell this by the rhythmic swaying of my body as the sea thrusts me forward and backwards. Not quite sure as of yet whether she wants to keep me or spit me out onto the beach. While in this state I give my body one last conscious order. Do not breath. I slip into a dream.

 

                          I find myself walking along a crowded beach. So many faces. It seems as though I can almost recognize some of them. Almost but not quite. They all seem to be oblivious to my existence. I try to reach out and touch. To feel them as if by physical contact I might know for sure who they are but I cannot. No that’s not right. I probably could. I will not. They might be strangers. I do not want to just reach out and touch a complete stranger. It would not be right. Physical contact is reserved for those we love. Isn’t it? I do not wish to be alone. I do not want to be unnoticed for all of eternity. How do I discover whether or not these people are safe to touch. I sit on the sand and began to weep, the frustration at my dilemma overwhelming.

 

                      While weeping the tide comes in and carries me away. Away to another place. I lift my head and find myself in a forest. I think it is a old growth forest. Trees are stretching out as if trying to grab a hold of the sky. Each tree is its own biosphere complete with its own life force which is made up of many many life forces clinging to the tree for survival. Moss hangs from its branches. Lichen grows on its bark. Hordes of insects live and find food in each tree. Birds sing in the branches. A small mammal leaps from one tree into the next. For some reason this aggravates me. Why was your tree so unacceptable you felt the need to risk your life to get to a different tree. This makes no sense. You had all you needed in your tree. I stand up and yell at the furry beast. “You ungrateful creature! Why did you leave!”  Just then a large bird swoops down and carries me away.

 

                     I am taken to a dessert and dropped unceremonisly onto a pile of sand. There is nothing here but sand. Trillions and Trillions of grains of sand. Each one trying desperately to stay on top of the other grains. Each grain is convinced he is the best grain of sand and should be the one carried aloft in the wind. I reach down and grab a handful of sand. One grain does seem to sparkle a little more than the others. I gently separate this grain from all the others. He is by far the best looking grain of sand that I have ever seen. Looking at him fills me with pride. I found this grain. Me. He is mine. I put him in my pocket and start to walk.

 

                   The sand gives way to stone and soon I find myself at the base of a large mountain. I begin to climb this mountain. At first the slope was gentle allowing me to walk up its surface then the slopes angle begins to increase and I find myself on all fours trying to reach the peak. It begins to get cold and the wind brings a biting edge. Hand and footholds are getting harder and harder to find. Each reach is a further stretch. I will not give up. I must reach the top. My lungs are burning from the thin air. My muscles ache and beg me to quit. I will not. I keep pulling myself up what is now a shear cliff. I must keep going. When I reach the peak I look down at the cliff I just conquered. I become very afraid. I could have fallen to my demise. I look around. I can see a town off in the distance. If I can get there I might be safe. But to get there I must climb back down the cliff. Fear grips and holds onto me. I can not move. I can not make the climb back down. If I try I will surely fall and that will be the end of me. A voice calls out from nowhere “YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DIE TODAY!” I look around. No one is here. I cough and vomit sea water. The same voice laughs and cries at the same time. “ You are going to be ok. It is not your time yet.” I open my eyes and find myself on the beach with lots of people again. Only this time a stranger is holding me. Physically contacting me. I fall into his arms and hold him back. I am not alone. I am not going to die today. I still have to much to learn.